For Those Hurting At Christmas

Everyone has, at one point in life or another, experienced a Christmas which was less merry than others – whether the cause be relationship or family problems, the death of a loved one, poverty, illness, seasonal affective disorder, or any other cause.

When this happens, the Christmas air can make one feel worse instead of better. The surrounding merriment may seem more like mockery, and the efforts of others to cheer one up may, instead, make one feel more isolated. This, in turn, can send a person into a downward spiral of feeling bad for having felt bad and making others feel bad.

What is one to do when putting on some Christmas spirit takes more effort than usual?

First, one needs time and space to grieve. Christmas is not all about pretending that sufferings are not real. On the contrary, Christmas is about the Incarnation, which was about God becoming man not only to redeem us from suffering, but to make suffering itself redemptive. The Christmas story is one of hope, but also of suffering – of Christ being born in the stable because there was no room in the inn. While the Magi gave the infant Christ gold for His kingship and frankincense for His divinity, they also gave Him myrrh which, though precious, symbolizes His death.

Then, one must exert the effort it takes to put on Christmas spirit: to smile, to take interest in the others. Often, we think Christmas spirit is all about people simultaneously and spontaneously gushing with warm feelings. In reality, Christmas spirit is the sum total of conscious decisions and efforts to show love to others through specific little words and deeds. This could be done no matter what a person’s psychological state is, and the struggle to be cheerful and loving despite feelings of interior emptiness could be offered as a gift to the Christ Child.

The idea of struggle may seem foreign to Christmas, but on the contrary, as G.K. Chesterton wrote in one of my favourite Christmas quotes:

“Unless we understand the presence of that enemy, we shall not only miss the point of Christianity, but even miss the point of Christmas. Christmas for us in Christendom has become one thing, and in one sense even a simple thing. But like all the truths of that tradition, it is in another sense a very complex thing. Its unique note is the simultaneous striking of many notes; of humility, of gaiety, of gratitude, of mystical fear, but also of vigilance and of drama. It is not only an occasion for the peacemakers any more than for the merry makers; it is not only a Hindu peace conference any more than it is only a Scandinavian winter feast. There is something defiant in it also; something that makes the abrupt bells at midnight sound like the great guns of a battle that has just been won.” (G.K. Chesterton, The Everlasting Man.)

Then, one must seek the real joy of Christmas, which comes neither from the absence of pain, nor from the sumptuous dinner, nor from the Christmas party running smoothly. Christmas joy comes from possessing Christ, and, when one has lost him through sin, by regaining Him through the sacrament of confession.

The fact that one is hurting at Christmas is no excuse to “Bah, humbug!” the rest of the world. Even with one’s pain, one can still spread Christmas spirit. Surely, the Christ Child will notice.