Guest post by Kayla Peterson
In many ways, my marriage is exactly the way my teenaged-self dreamed it would be. I am married to a man who has many of the qualities I prayed my husband would have. We live in a cute apartment in a city, eat dinner together, can travel, I bake our bread and we have good jobs. There are a few things though, that are different from my daydreams. We aren’t independently wealthy, no honeymoon baby for us (sad face), and we don’t share a Catholic faith. Though we both take our faiths seriously and declare Christ as our Saviour, we are in an interfaith marriage.
Ryan and I met while we were both in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, which is a parachurch organization that works mainly on college campuses to bring Christ’s love to students. If you’re at all interested, you can read our “how we met” story over at my blog, The Alluring World. There wasn’t a very good Catholic Student organization at Clarion until my Junior year and IV attracted me with its emphasis on bible study and student outreach. I wasn’t the only Catholic there, but I may have been the only one there not looking to leave the Church. Ryan and I were (and are) about as different as night and day and when we got together it was a surprise to quite a few, including myself! It wasn’t an easy, whimsical decision though. When Ryan and I were talking and praying about dating each other, our main concern was how we could handle our religious differences. We started by highlighting what we held in common: a love of Jesus, (most of) the Bible, a desire to serve others, etc. Our biggest commonality, a dedication to our faiths, was also our biggest difference. From there it was a matter of not being afraid to talk to each other. Sometimes we were sure we disagreed on something, like faith and works for instance, and only after multiple conversations and a lot of clarification would we realize that we believe the same thing but express it differently. Of course, some things we may never share a belief in. We made it a point to attend religious services with each other and have worked really hard at keeping our relationship grounded in Christ.
Interfaith marriages are on the rise, with 40% of all Catholic marriages being interfaith or “mixed” faith. This is due to a wide variety of influences, most notably that our society is a “mover” society – people are not confined to a limited geographical space anymore and ideas flow much more easily between groups. To deal with the rise and continued growth, the Church has been working hard to meet the needs that these unique couples bring to life. Sadly, many couples choose to disregard religious life because of the difficulties they face in integrating their faith lives with one another. I can’t downplay those difficulties because they are very real, but they are also very worth it. So much good can come out of those discussions, so much growth and trust happens because the difficult conversations are not shied away from or put in a dusty box in the back of the closet. Of course, for some this would mean an end to the relationship, and once you are already in love this is extra painful. My heart goes out to those couples. However, we must always put God first. If we believe in Him, there is no reason to not trust Him.
Ryan and I don’t have it all figured out. Sometimes it seems like he is the one making all the sacrifices, and at times I worry that our children will grow up confused. But the graces and the blessings have been innumerable and I know that I should not worry. I know that my faith has been deepened and my love for Christ’s Church has only grown because of Ryan. He pushes me every day to live what I believe and I only hope and pray that I do the same for him. We hope that our children will see the love of Christ in our marriage and not view him as a divider. We hope that they will be leaders, seeking to reunite Christ’s body on a much grander scale than we can model in our home.
2 thoughts on “Interfaith Marriage: Grounded in Christ but Divided in Practice”
Thank you Kayla. You have beautifully said what I try to tell people all the time who have their eyebrows so high they are on the back of their head when they hear I am married to a non-Catholic. I am actually the product of an interfaith marriage. My mother is a cradle Catholic, my father entered their marriage a Protestant who was never baptized. A year later when I was baptized, my father was as well (this was pre-RCIA). 33 years later they are still married and still Catholic. My dad is a Knight, my mother is in the women’s guild, a cantor and in the choir.
I know that Jeff becoming Catholic is between him and God and everyday we re-up in our marriage and how we are raising our children and our commitment to making sure we are respecting and living our faiths.
I’m also married to a Christian of another denomination. It can sometimes be hard to balance both faith lives, like if there are services on at the same time. Things like that. My husband always impresses me with his openness and flexibility. Working for the church, I often require him to attend a lot of Catholic events. we have our differences, but Christ unites. I also look forward to seeing what our children could create from this influence. Hopefully the next generation will have less divide between denominations.