It finally seems like the harsh winter is coming to a close. It sure has been a rough one, hasn’t it? All those frigid temperatures and mountains of snow… Anyways, now we can look forward to warmer weather and the promise of summer peaking over the horizon. Another thing we can look forward to is the emergence of the summer wardrobes. Yep, all those tank tops, short shorts, guys walking around shirtless with their “shorts” down to their ankles exposing their boxer briefs. The last thing that we can look forward to relating to all this is the yearly freakout about modesty that we see in the Christian blogosphere and all the great advice we receive on how we can all be “modest.” Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?
I must admit that I get a little sick of it. It always seems like the burden of modesty is mostly placed squarely on the shoulders of women. We always hear the endless mantra on which shorts are too short, which tank top reveals too much, and basically how to avoid undesirable attention from the menfolk. Let’s take a step back for a minute, shall we? Is modesty really relegated to how many inches above the knee your shorts can be, or how much shoulder you can show before it becomes sinful, or whether or not that shirt is going to lead your poor brothers in Christ into sin? We’ll get to that in just a sec.
And what about the guys? Why is it that it’s always women who have to be conscious of what they wear and how much they reveal? Some guys dress like complete slobs, especially in the summer. They walk around with those shorts that are so long they might as well be pants, hanging off their rear ends as their underwear hangs out. Many go shirtless, trying to show off those two abs that might still be there, or how muscular they aren’t. Is it not true that women are just as capable of lusting after men as men are of women? Shouldn’t men have to dress respectfully as well?
There are all kinds of opinions of modesty out there and so many different rules that are created in an attempt to stay modest. What does the Church say? The Catechism of the Catholic Church 2521, 2522, and 2523 say that modesty is ultimately to protect the individual person. It protects the mystery of the person and their love, refusing to unveil what should be hidden, and guides how one looks at others and behaves towards them in conformity with the dignity of persons and their solidarity. Modesty is a mindset that we all have as a protection for our own thoughts towards others, as well as how we present ourselves to others. Our choice in clothing is a mere result of the modest mindset.
Modesty is necessary due to the famous fall of Adam and Eve in that garden of theirs. They were just walking around naked and didn’t even care. Nudity of the body was seen in its proper place, as something beautiful and natural and also pronounced good by the Father. They ate from that darn tree and so therefore, the perception of the body became subject to the temptations of lust, and as a result, the body had to be covered. The shame they felt from their nakedness was in part a byproduct of the tendency toward the lust they experienced. I guess you can say that modesty is a gift from God, because it is a protection device that He gave us against our own sinful nature. Nudity in itself is not bad or sinful. God made us that way. It is our fallen perception of the nude body that now leads us to sin and the necessity of modesty.
So where does that leave us with summer fashions and how we dress? Some folks go all out, and it seems that some women would be inclined to walk around in burlap sack cloths. Is that really what it’s all about? Due to the sick and twisted nature of things, there are men out there who can fetishize anything, from fingers, to eyelashes, to feet, to you name it. In reaction to that, should women cover themselves from head to toe and not let any part of their body be seen at all? I personally do not believe that the ultimate responsibility of modesty lies solely in how we dress, or on women.
If you recall, modesty is a mindset in which we protect that which should be hidden and also the way we view others in their own personal dignity and humanity. What that means is that if a man happens upon a woman who is wearing the most immodest clothes possible, or if she is completely naked, his first responsibility is not to lust. His own modesty informs him that regardless of how a woman presents herself, he is to regard her as a person with an inherent, God-given dignity that should not be violated. As Jesus said, adultery can be committed merely by lusting after someone in our own hearts. This goes for both men and women, so it is our responsibility not to lust after someone, even if they are revealing all that should be hidden.
With that in mind, ladies, I want to tell you that it is ok to be beautiful and to express that beauty that God gave you. It is ok to wear clothing that reveals your femininity in a way that expresses who you are and how God made you. He made you and called YOU very good. You must get rid of the mindset that it is your responsibility not to lead your brothers in Christ into sin. It is their responsibility not to lead themselves into sin. The fact is that a man who is twisted in his own head is not going to be able to view you in your proper place regardless of what you wear or how you express yourself. Just protect your own dignity to the extent it should be and then let the burden of sin be on those on whom it actually belongs. It is not your fault. Modesty is not about what you wear and much skin you show. Keep in mind that two women could wear the exact same outfit and one would be modest, while the other openly immodest.
And all you guys out there should be aware too that even if a woman dresses provocatively, it doesn’t give you license to lust after her, try to seduce her, or that she “wants it.” She might think so, but keep in mind that we live in a fallen world where our desires have been warped and twisted into something that is at times unrecognizable from the original intent. We dudes can and should dress well too, even in the summer heat. I’m not advocating we walk around in shirts and ties. I usually wear sandals all summer long and am not a fan of actually having to put on “real” shoes. What I’m saying is that it’s not just a woman’s responsibility to be modest. It is our responsibility not to lust and to protect ourselves through a positive modesty also. I know we’re more visually oriented than woman, and we are captivated by beauty. It is ok to be captivated and to revere the beauty of God’s creations, including women! We have to know ourselves well enough to draw the line between that reverence and where lust creeps in.
So there it is, folks. I’m not trying to present myself as some kind of expert or anything. I just try to get down to the bottom of it. It bothers me when I see women place the burden of men’s sin on themselves, and it bothers me when I see men who think they don’t have much to do in terms of modesty. Modesty is not about the length of a skirt or how thin the straps on a tank top should be. Modesty is a mindset and a protection mechanism that God gave us to protect ourselves and each other from our fallen nature. Let us then be respectful of each other and remember that true modesty starts from within our hearts.
12 thoughts on “It’s Spring, Let’s All Freak Out About Modesty!”
It is not difficult to choose a skirt that falls below the knee and look good wearing it. It is not difficult to choose pants or culottes rather than shorts. Not difficult to avoid going out clad in skin tight leggings as bottoms. Modesty is not “purely a mindset” and is not just completely relative and culturally conditioned, because it does relate deeply to the human body and psyche and concupiscence which is the same here and now as in other times and places. People need to keep custody of the eyes, they also need to dress in a way that respects their own dignity and others’ and does not put others in near occasion of sin. We also need to question the current cultural standard that “dressy” clothes for women are scantier clothes or that a revealing outfit is “cute” or “pretty”. And we need to just say frankly that being “hot” or “sexy” in public is not a suitable goal of a Christian woman.
Ummm… So are you agreeing with the author or disagreeing because I didn’t see him advocating for scantily clad ‘sexy’ women… I do see him saying that we need to put down the rulers and stop with the arbitrary rules for what constitutes ‘modesty’ because even the CCC says it IS first and foremost a mindset
Of course modesty is first and foremost a mindset. One of the nice things about Catholicism is that it is “both/and” rather rhan “either/or”.
The mindset/virtue of modesty is greatly fostered by taking care to dress well, covering the sexual parts of our bodies. We’ve got to realize that not everyone has developed the wise standards and self-control of the author.
Dressing in a decent way helps foster modesty in the same way that getting the proper rest and nutrition foster good health. It certainly makes it easier to get my work done when I’m well-rested. It makes it easier to help others retain “custody of the eyes” if I’m well-dressed!
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I too, am annoyed by the rulers and measurements. However, I understand why it’s sometimes necessary. Years ago, when I was in Catholic school, we used to have the rules about “how many inches from the knee-cap…etc.” We all know that there are many young girls who “don’t get it” that the boys are more visually aroused. We also know that there are many young girls who PRETEND not to “get it”, and feign surprise: “WHAT, they’re lookin’ at lil’ ol’ me when I bend over?” The ruler is just an objective standard that can be used so that the teacher can avoid saying: “You look like a prostitute–your —- is showing; cover it up.” Instead, the teacher can say: “TWO inches below the collar-bone is acceptable–NOT ten”.
I know; it’s annoying, but we live in a world where standards are so regularly abused, that sometimes it’s necessary.
I agree with your points. However, I go further in that I don’t believe women should wear pants.
Absolutely agree with, being hot or sexy is not a suitable goal for women, or men either. And Christian men should not be commenting on a woman’s sexual attractiveness, or dwelling on it for that matter. We don’t want to be objects of desire for one another. That’s easy.
One thing to remember is that modesty would have existed even had the fall not happened. JPII was quite clear on that, as modesty increases as we began to understand what we were: a royal creation meant to be united with God. It’s why the prophets spoke in imagery of us being naked prostitutes clothed in royal garments by the loving King. That was a metaphorical, but also literal way of understanding that clothing signified dignity as we advanced in culture.
Probably the biggest reason we have these pointless modesty debates is everyone keeps saying that modesty only is an issue because of sin. It’s not. It has a lot of implications after the fall, but modest is something creation was always called to be.
Modesty of *dress* is *precisely* something that is “only an issue because of sin.” Just as JPII taught. And just as his predecessors taught….
“You must get rid of the mindset that it is your responsibility not to lead your brothers in Christ into sin. It is their responsibility not to lead themselves into sin. The fact is that a man who is twisted in his own head is not going to be able to view you in your proper place regardless of what you wear or how you express yourself. Just protect your own dignity to the extent it should be and
then let the burden of sin be on those on whom it actually belongs. It
is not your fault. Modesty is not about what you wear and much skin you
show.”
This neither noble nor realistic. Men are not twisted in the head for finding female sexuality alluring. No matter how disciplined a man may be spiritually, he will be attracted to women who bare a lot thigh and cleavage. Women know this and have used this for centuries to lure and ensnare men.
As a woman, it pains me to see young women in particular dressed like harlots on the street, just because the culture tells them this is not only acceptable (as is stated here), but actually preferable. For a Catholic writer to to continue to endorse this view is actually harmful to women and to men, and to the culture of civilization at large.
For our culture to become more civilized, men must not only be aware of their propensity to lust after scantily clad women, but women must also hold the standard very high, and refuse to dress in ways that are insulting to both genders by emphasizing sexuality over spirituality. It is indeed up to women to be the moral standard bearers. Spirituality is inherently modest. Modestly has always been the preferred ideal up to the current, very small and soulless era, in which decadence, nay, degeneracy, is celebrated as the norm.
Frankly I am amazed that CHRISTIAN MEN of all people would choose to say it is only a “miindset” and thus further encourage women, particularly young women, to dress immodestly, without dignity or self-respect.
It may in fact serve men to do so for their own selfish reasons. How easy it is to say it is entirely up to the man to control his lustful thoughts while viewing a partially naked woman, while inside most men would happily embrace their lust and enjoy the show. It verges on a kind of soft porn that is utterly repugnant to me as a woman and as a Catholic. In fact, it should be repugnant to any Catholic who has the decency to admit that civilization is built upon just such small, seemingly inconsequential details as the clothes we choose to wear in the public sphere.
“Shouldn’t men have to dress respectfully as well?” Thank you for that! You are absolutely right! When men and women wear clothing that covers up those parts of the body that should be kept private between husband and wife, we are giving honor and praise to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!
Yeah, men can look like slobs. Most Christian women I know are not all that interested in “men” who are “busting a sag”. Modesty might be a mindset, but many minds are set on drawing attention to oneself and in the process disrespecting both themselves, the Church and others. This is especially true at Mass.
You try being a priest and dealing with women who seem to be coming to Holy Communion to nurse the Lord instead of receiving him.
Men need to keep “custody of the eyes”, woman need to keep custody of modesty.
This article tries to be all ” fair” and gender equal it misses reality though.
Fravashi is right. The author is wrong to accuse people of putting the responsibility SOLELY on women. Even a man who conscientiously tries his hardest to have “custody of his eyes” and avoid lust, is in an impossible situation the way that some women dress, even in church! And even the way that some parents let their adolescent girls dress. As the vast majority of women were well aware until very recently, it is perfectly possible for any woman to dress in a way that accentuates and makes the most of her femininity, without dressing so briefly/ tightly that she almost may as well be naked. And real men appreciate this. E.g. I guess most women think that men’s opinion if women’s skirts/dresses is “the shorter the better!” Actually most men appreciate the femininity of a long flowing skirt in a woman, and find her more attractive, in a holistic way, than a woman who merely dresses as briefly as possible to appeal to men’s base instincts.
No one who is advocating for women to dress modestly is saying that men do not have to control themselves. And yes, women find good looking men attractive. (Although I’ve known a few who have told me they don’t react to men that way.) But let’s not muddy the waters.
I am not a man, but it seem to be an undeniable fact that men are aroused by scanty tight clothing on women. To dress immodestly is to be provocative, and really for your own safety and to prevent the worst of men from thinking you are asking for “it,” you should dress in a way that protects yourself. It is not too much to ask a woman to be considerate and not to make it harder for men to control themselves.
As Catholics why not try to be modest in our Church first. I’m sick of the slobbily dressed men and women who walk into Mass as if going into Walmart. Or someone wearing leggings that leaves absolutely NOTHING to the imagination. Tank tops in Mass? I don’t care if you are on vacation dress in a manner that glorifies God. If you are conscientious of what you wear for funerals or weddings or even meeting the Queen of England then what’s so hard about Mass??