The Generation Gap in Religious Life

Recently I have found myself reflecting on the labels that we give ourselves; labels that divide and hurt us as women of the Catholic faith. I was very unfamiliar with these labels until I had begun exploring the vocation of religious life, and discovered that religious sisters are separated into two groups; the “liberal or secular sisters” and the “conservative sisters” or the “non-habited sisters” and the “habited sisters”.  I never looked at religious sisters in habits or without habits as being “fake” or “real”sisters, and it saddens me that there is such a divide in the consecrated life because there does exist women within communities who are beautiful, faithful, vowed consecrated women who are dedicating their lives to God and offering their lives to serve the Church and the people of this world.

Whether a sister wears a full-length habit, modified habit, or no habit at all does not make a religious sister because it is the heart of a woman in religious life that makes her consecrated to Christ Jesus, her dedication and love for the Catholic faith, support of Church teachings, and how she offers her life of service. And I know this to be true because I lived in two very different communities and within each there did exist sisters who showed much piety and reverence to the Lord despite their dress. I also met cruel, and malicious Sisters who did not wear the habit and those who did wear the habit.

When a young woman is discerning religious life, yes, the “habit” is taken into consideration when choosing a religious community, and when I was discerning religious life I did prefer a community that allowed some sort of identifiable religious garb, which is identified in various communities as being either a full-length habit or a modified habit. However, the clothing option for a community is in no way the end all be all for choosing a religious community because it is about a religious community of women living an authentic religious life following their Rule today in the twenty-first Century and keeping the center of their religious life on Jesus Christ.

If a young woman chooses a religious community solely based on what the sisters in the community wear then I would have to say that the woman should deeply question her desire for wanting to become a religious sister. The Charism of a community and their relationship with one another as religious sisters is of much greater concern to a young woman in discernment than their dress even though young women today appear to consider religious garb to be one of the priorities that is high up on their list for what they would like to have within a religious community.

The outward dress can help to reflect the inward spirituality of a religious sister and can be a visible sign to others of that inner commitment to the Lord. The key word is the outward dress “CAN” help reflect the inward spirituality of a religious sister and help her to be a visible witness of Christ in the world, but I know this is not always the case due to my own experience in the convent and listening to the testimonies given by other women who were in supposedly more traditional religious communities.

How and why does this grand divide among some religious sisters matter to young woman who are discerning religious life or in formation in religious life? It matters because discerning young women are being caught up in the labeling process, which is widening even further the already generation gap between newer sisters and older sisters. When a young woman first steps foot into some convents or monasteries, community members are already giving her a label and placing her into one of the two groups without the young woman having any idea that she is being placed into one of those groups; “liberal” or “conservative”. The young woman who has not even chosen to enter a community yet has already had the baggage from ages past dumped upon her. It is kind of like the Sorting Hat in Harry Potter, in which the young person has been sorted into a house before the hat has even been placed upon her head.

Again, to reiterate, I know from personal experience and from the experiences that other women who left the convent or are even still in the convent share with me. Before entering the first community I wore a chapel veil, and right away I received the evil eye from sisters and was even questioned as to why I would wear the veil. I simply explained that it helped me to focus on Christ. At that point I was completely unaware of the Traditional Latin Mass and how the women who attend that Mass often veil. All I knew is that I came across the website Veils by Lily one day, and knew I wanted to veil for Christ.

As young adult women discern religious life or those in formation in religious life they have no experience of the Pre-Vatican II days. They were born after the Second Vatican Council and have no personal experience of the state of religious life in the sixties and seventies or even eighties. It is important for religious sisters who did experience hardships and challenges during the times of Pre-Vatican share their experiences with young women who are discerning religious life.

I would think that most of these young ladies would appreciate the stories of the religious sisters in the community as a sort of “Heads up, this is what you are dealing with here in this community”! I honestly wish the sisters were more open with me in my discernment instead of insisting there was no issue. With time I discovered on my own that was simply not the truth. There was an incredible amount of hostility and even hatred towards members that became more and more clear to me everyday due to the habit or lack of habit alone.

The first religious community that I entered leaned more liberal and the second one leaned supposedly more conservative although the longer I stayed the more I found out that although they were traditional more in dress, they had the same sentiments inwardly as the first community. In the end both had the same attitudes about the habit even though one community had an optional habit and one community had a mandatory habit. In the first community when I was close to novitiate I was questioned as to why I wanted to wear a veil, and why I wanted to wear a simple habit because most of them wore lay clothes.

In the second community to my surprise I was corrected as a novice for not showing enough hair when wearing my veil, and for having my habit too long. When it came time for me to receive the habit I had a choice of a lighter blue habit or a darker blue habit and my novice mistress insisted I could not wear the light blue one because I would look too pretty and since the Mother Superior wore that color and it made her look ugly I would be outshining her. It was interesting and honestly deeply troubling how in both communities there was so much focus on dress and a constant comparison to other sisters, habit or not.

Why can we not agree to disagree in a respectful dialogue? No one is right or wrong in this situation because based on past experiences young women and religious sisters may have different opinions about the “habit”, and for me that is just community because religious sisters living together as a family are going to at times disagree about certain things. That’s a part of religious life that you learn about during discernment and later on when in religious formation.

I consider myself to be a Roman Catholic, that is all; no more and no less. I love my Catholic faith and I love and respect our Pope, which means that I in retrospect support Vatican II, although I do believe there was much misunderstanding in how the Second Vatican Council was carried out in religious life. I am not going to put a label on myself as “orthodox” or “unorthodox” or “traditionalist” or “conservative” or “liberalist” because the Roman Catholic Church is ONE true Church founded by Jesus Christ.

Why are we dividing ourselves? Can we not simply embrace our differences and come together as one? We all practice the same faith, but in different ways. Some Catholics prefer to be more charismatic or less charismatic, attend the Traditional Latin Mass or attend the Novus Ordo Mass, receive the Sacrament of Confession face to face with the priest, or behind a screen, wear a chapel veil or do not wear a chapel veil, receiving the Eucharist in the hand or receiving the Eucharist on the tongue, and the list goes on and on. There is a lot of flexibility within our faith when it comes to certain practices, why does this also not apply when in a convent or monastery?

For the future of religious life in the Church I feel that it is important for younger women and older generations of religious sisters to compromise with one another, and to accept one another without casting judgment. It is important that religious sisters already in a community make every effort to try to be more open-minded when it comes to understanding young women who are from a completely different generation and did not experience the Pre-Vatican II version of religious life. And it is also important that young women discerning religious life are open-minded in having a desire to understand the pain and hurt of some of the older generation of women religious who had a negative and traumatic experience in the Pre-Vatican II days and following the Second Vatican Council days of religious life.

Young women and older women in religious life have a lot to learn from one another, and despite differing opinions they should respect one another’s differences and as God loves them they should love one another. For young women who enter religious life and sisters already in religious life the mission should be the same; living a life of service for all of God’s people through the values of the Gospels and the teachings of the Catholic Church as Catholic women in the twenty-first century.

Photo: Vidar Nordli-Mathisen, Unsplash / PD-US