Marriage: A Match Made In Heaven

Many years ago when I was teaching a group of middle schoolers about the Sacrament of Matrimony, I invited a couple who had been married for more than fifty years to give a presentation about how to have a successful marriage. At the end of the presentation we opened it up for questions, and one precocious seventh-grade boy raised his hand and asked, “Did you ever think about splitting up?”

There was a great awkwardness as they looked at each other, unsure of how to respond. Finally, reluctantly, the wife said, “Well, yes, there have been days.” To which the man, shocked, replied, “Really? You too?”

Marriage is very difficult, because it puts two imperfect people together for life. But marriage is also a Sacrament, which means that a husband and wife now receive all the grace necessary to live it well. But what does it mean to live marriage well? Let’s go back to the beginning, to God Who created marriage.

God created marriage for two purposes: the mutual sanctification of spouses (in other words, to get your spouse to Heaven), and the procreation and education of children (in other words, to get your kids to Heaven). Marriage is not about this world only – we live it in this world, but God gave it to us to direct us to Heaven. Although I hope your marriage is happy here, ultimately its goal is to lead us to the happiness of Heaven. Let’s dive deeper into these two purposes to find out how to live it well.

The first purpose of marriage is the mutual sanctification of spouses – to make each other saints. If you put two sharp rocks in a tumbler and shook them around for a few weeks, they would come out very smooth, because the rough edges of each rock would wear off the rough edges of the other rock. In the same way, two people in a marriage – both of whom are imperfect, flawed, and have lots of rough edges – end up smoothing each other out. We grow so much in patience, sacrifice, and love because in marriage we are forced to be patience, to sacrifice, and to love. There’s no other option, because we made the vows for life.

So if you are in a marriage, you can help your spouse get to Heaven in many ways. First, by praying for them – and by praying WITH them. An interesting statistic – currently, about 33% of marriages sadly end in divorce. But if a couple attends church together weekly, the divorce rate is 10%. If a couple attends church together weekly and prays together daily, the divorce rate is only 2%. This is because we need God to be the “glue” that holds a marriage together. By our own strength, we would struggle…by God’s grace, we have strength to overcome our natural human weaknesses with supernatural strength. Besides, a spouse cannot be our primary relationship – our primary relationship must be with God. We all desire total, unconditional love – which can only come from God, not from a spouse. But when a person receives that love from God, then they can approach their marriage, not as a way to desperately receive the love that they’re thirsting for, but to give the love that they have already received from God.

Second, we can help our spouses get to Heaven by witnessing to them and encouraging them in virtue. There are times when a husband or wife might struggle in faith or in holiness – or perhaps not even be a believer. But that’s when prayer, patience, and sacrifice can win over their spouse. I am reminded of Elizabeth Leseur, a French woman whose cause for canonization (being made a saint) has begun. She was a devout Catholic but married an atheist, who constantly ridiculed and belittled her faith. She suffered a great deal because of her husband Felix’s barbs, and would offer every small sacrifice for his conversion. Tragically, she died young, but when Felix was going through his wife’s belongings, he happened to come upon her journal. He was amazed to read the depths of her faith – and the depth of her prayers and sacrifices for her. He was converted and became a priest, due to her witness and sacrifices.

The second purpose of marriage is to be fruitful and multiply. In fact, in Genesis, that is God’s first commandment – have children! Again, this is directed to Heaven – we don’t have children just to pass on the family name or leave a legacy, but to help form new souls for Heaven. This gift of children should amaze us to no end – only God can create, but He invites us to be co-creators of new human life! And that new human life has an eternal destiny.

So how do we get our children to Heaven? By making God the center of our family life. We all like to think that is the case, but do we really prioritize our children’s spiritual lives above all else? Are we willing to miss soccer practice for spiritual events like Mass or religious education? Do we take time out of our busy day to pray together as a family? Have we taught our kids that making money and “being successful” aren’t as important as becoming a saint? Jesus in today’s Gospel embraces these children and tells the Apostles, “Let the little children come to Me” – are we more concerned about our children’s souls than about their success on the sports field or in the classroom?

When I die, I will have to stand before God and give Him an account of how well I have led you, my parishioners, to Heaven. When a father or mother dies, they will have to give an account of how well they have led their spouse and children to Heaven. Blessed will that person be who has cared more about their holiness than about their worldly happiness!

A brief word to those in different situations: I know that some here have gone through the pain of divorce, or have lost their spouse, or are unable to marry for whatever reason. These can be difficult crosses to bear. Please know that the Lord loves you in the midst of whatever pain and loneliness you may be enduring – and your life can have great fruitfulness in many ways, even without the Sacrament of Matrimony.

I want to close with a great story of a couple who saw their marriage as a preparation for Heaven: Saints Timothy and Maura. They lived during the persecutions of the Roman emperor Diocletian in the early 300s. Both were devout Catholics, and after their marriage, they began to secretly help the Church by storing the scrolls of the Scriptures that would be read at Mass. It was against the law to build a church, so the vessels and vestments and books had to be stored in people’s private homes. But this was a crime punishable by death. Sadly, after only 20 days of marriage, Timothy was arrested for being a Christian and was told to surrender the holy books, which were hidden. He refused, and his captors said, “Don’t you see the instruments we have for torturing you?” To which Timothy responded, “Don’t you see the angels strengthening me?”

So his captors pulled the ultimate weapon – they captured his wife Maura and threatened to torture her if Timothy did not relent. But heroically, Maura replied, “Timothy, I will never speak to you again if you deny Christ.” They tortured her, but she refused to budge. Finally, the captors crucified both of them on crosses facing each other – and as they hung there, they sang hymns together, encouraged one another, and prayed together. They finally died, but their death was so holy that their captor eventually converted to Christianity and was martyred himself.

May all of our marriages be so focused around Christ that they inspire the whole world to desire Heaven!

_____

Originally published at The Cross Stands While the World Turns

Photo: Anna Utockina, Unsplash / PD-US