Once again, the Catholic Church has reached the point in its liturgical year called Ordinary Time. For most of my life, I have heard priests express to their congregations that we are not supposed to consider this period of time as “ordinary.” Every temporal designation in the Church year has its own meaning and reason, and as followers of the Catholic faith, we should learn and grow during each unique time. One priest related the liturgical cycles of the Church to the natural seasons of the year and the colors that correspond to each cycle worn by the priest and displayed on the altar have special significance as well. Ordinary Time is traditionally green, which spurs thoughts of spring and summer, the opportunity for new beginnings. However, in order to make these new beginnings, there must be pruning. Just like trees, plants and some flowers, we humans need pruning to help us grow.
I have no objection to being pruned, especially by God. I want nothing more than to be continuously prepared and readied for encountering the Lord in new ways. I often forget how much pruning hurts. Pruning plants requires rather intimidating implements like clippers, shears, even chainsaws when shrubs need drastic trimming. This past week I believe my pruning included the use of a chainsaw. I was asked extremely abruptly to let go of what I was not expecting. I found myself crying out to the Lord, “I am out of control! Please help me control myself!” Even as I begged, I knew my words were inappropriate, but I needed to say them. Part of the pruning process requires releasing control over my life to God. In a sense, He pulled the rug out from under me. I was swept off my feet and had no way to get up. I am still struggling to regain my balance. I am still clinging to an imaginary grip on this control I think I can maintain. Eventually I will learn how to let go. I have let go before—each time the stakes get higher, but the more I give up, the more I gain within the Lord’s providence.
This past week I was called to travel farther than I have in a long time. I traveled to a different time zone, and even though it was just an hour difference, my life was thrown into disarray. I was left truly confounded, mainly because I can’t remember being so effected by a time change. It finally occurred to me that during the time of COVID restrictions I never traveled outside my time zone. It has probably been over 2 years since I left it. As a result, I lived this past week as a morning person, which may not seem like a big deal, but I have always been a night owl. I looked forward to the night because that was also my time spent in deep contemplation with the Lord. I got all my “to do” lists completed when the sun went down, and now I am operating on a new schedule where I do not have the sacred time to spend with the Lord or to simply feel productive. Instead of resting in the Lord and believing in the process of change, I fought it every step of the way. Each passing day I fell asleep earlier than usual, telling myself “I will do better tomorrow.” Surprise, surprise—the next day was no improvement.
Despite all my frustration and determination to prevail over the will of God, every time I engaged the Lord in prayer, I heard reassurance. He is pruning me; I need to learn to allow for change that will open me up to encounters that will alter my life. In truth, with all my inner turmoil, all the extra sleep I was getting enabled me to engage in several afternoon activities that I would normally have passed up. One reason I traveled so far was to see my brother and his family. Due to COVID, I had not seen them in over 2 years. So much has changed in their lives and I have missed a lot, but I spent almost every day of last week with them and was completely present in their company. It is remarkable that although my inner self was in immense chaos, my outer self was experiencing great joy. Memories were created this week that I will cherish for a lifetime and this is only the beginning. Just as the Catholic Church is undergoing its own version of pruning and preparing itself for a new beginning, I am blessed to walk along a similar path. There is a new beginning coming. I feel it and have faith in it; I need to let go and allow a different way of life. On my own, I could never achieve this, but with Jesus Christ who strengthens me, anything is possible.
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Originally published at Kitty in the City
Photo: Pexels, Public Domain
