What Do You Wish For?

I have been falling from grace recently. My life has not been going the way I had anticipated. To make matters worse, I have given in to the belief that depression is okay. It is “okay” to go through seasons, but they eventually have to end. I finally hit a breaking point: I could either continue to trudge down this depressing path, or I could turn to God and ask Him to save me once again.

Depression is often rooted in selfishness. My depression takes my focus off the Lord and puts it on myself and everything that happens to me, good or bad. Anger and fear enter into my every thought, and my prayers become more like a long wish list of what I want God to fix. I give in to the lie that if God grants my wishes I will feel better.

Fortunately, God does not grant wishes. If He did, the world would fall prey to chaos and despair. This depression also led me to believe the lie that I know what is best and I should take control. When I do take control, however, nothing good comes from it. God knows my heart better than I do because He made it. Everything I feel and desire was placed in me by God and He did this for a reason. Even when my gaze strays away from Him, He will never abandon me or stop making plans for me.

After Christmas, I was able to take a week off from work and go on an adventure. I got in my car and drove around some of the southern states. I sought to hear the Lord’s voice again. He revealed to me before that He speaks to me through my imagination. I needed to renew my imagination; when I am depressed I lose the ability to envision the world with God and His miracles guiding it.

The night before New Year’s Eve, I found the courage to go to a movie in an actual Movie Theater. Because of COVID-19, it had been over a year since I had seen a movie in a theater. God was calling me there; He wanted to tell me something. The movie was Wonder Woman 1984. I wasn’t expecting much, having seen the first Wonder Woman and not been that impressed.

This version was different; it had several high points and I believe it has great relevance in this pandemic time. What struck me most was the relationship Wonder Woman (Diana) had with her love interest. He had died in the previous movie, and was brought back because Diana wished for this, but his return came with a price. Throughout the movie, Diana discovers that no wish is ever granted without paying a price. She may have reunited with her true love, but it would alter her destiny. She was destined to save the world. In the end, she renounced her wish because she could not be with her love and save the world. She sacrificed her desire for love for the greater good.

I know what I would wish for if I had the same opportunity Diana did, but what would be the cost? I already know the cost because through this deep depression, I have been wishing for it every moment of every day, and the cost is my soul along with the desire placed in me by the Lord. The lies of the enemy can grow so powerful and make me forget my true love. God instilled my deepest desire to love Him and to be with Him all the time. If God were to grant my own wish for my more selfish wants, I would never see Him or feel His love.

God gave me a miracle yet again; He was able to push through my depression and reveal His truth. So now, moving forward into a new year, “I renounce my wish.” I do not want to gain the world and lose my soul.

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Originally published at Kitty in the City.
Photo: Valentin Petkov, Unsplash / PD-US