Experiencing God’s Guidance in Times of Uncertainty

The feeling remains that God is on the journey, too.
~ Saint Teresa of Ávila

I would like to share my personal experience of how God gave me a multitude of opportunities to grow my trust in Him and deepen my faith as I was recently at the crossroads of choosing my career path.

More importantly, this period was one where I felt God speaking to me through the people around me and events that unfolded before my eyes. I have penned down these blessings bestowed upon me by God through the seven signs in a sequential manner.

A change in one’s career will undoubtedly conjure up fears of anxiety and uncertainty and requires a leap of faith into the unknown, plagued with a myriad of challenges. Nevertheless, in my case, God was gentle and patient as He stood by my side.

It all began a few months ago. During that period of my life, I found myself at a crossroads as I sought to discern the next stage of my career. While I desired to upgrade both my education and profession, I was uncertain where God was leading me.

Although I continued with my daily routine, each night before I closed my eyes to sleep, I spoke to God, pouring out my fears, worries, and concerns about the future. I longed for clarity and prayed that He would reveal His will in His own time.

During this phase, I relied upon one of my favorite spiritual books, written by Saint Josemaría, titled The Forge. In it, I came across a quote that resonated with the circumstances I was going through. It taught me how to pray for clarity so that I could expel the worries from my heart and transform them into sowing the deeper roots of trust in God:

Place yourself before the Lord each day and tell Him slowly and in all earnestness, like the man in the Gospel who was in such great need, Domine, ut videam! — Lord, that I may see!; that I may see what You expect from me, and struggle to be faithful to You.

This ignited the courage to start searching for another career opportunity. Nearing the end of October, a friend of mine shared with me a Professional Conversion Programme (PCP), targeted at mid-career switchers like myself, to undergo training in skills and successfully move into new occupations or promising sectors with good prospects for growth.

He gently recommended me to consider a career in nursing.

“Nursing? Am I fit for nursing?”, I questioned myself. I then lifted my concerns to God in the silence of my heart—I asked Him for guidance if I was treading on the ‘right’ path and, if possible, to reveal signs along the way to cement my belief.

First sign

The application period for the PCP nursing opened from 1 September to 30 October. However, as I came to know of this program through my counselor on 28th October and had to deal with the weariness faced after 12 hours of shift work in my current job, it was only on 1 November that I could sit myself down and read through the details. I knew I missed the timeline given to register! At that moment, I felt God spoke to me in the silence of my heart, saying,

‘’With Me, there is always an opportunity and hope!
Cast your net into the deep sea! Time for a catch! Follow My lead!”

I listened and trusted that voice of hope and sent an application email to the PCP administrator, albeit knowing that the deadline had passed. To my surprise, within the same day, I received a response from the administrator offering me another opportunity to register for the program under an exceptional case.

They provided me with a stipulated submission time frame from 4.00 pm to 4.30 pm to submit the relevant documents. Without delay, I scrambled to gather the documents (résumé, qualifications, and certificates) and uploaded the complete set of documents.

Second sign

Three days later, a glimmer of hope arrived in the inbox of my email. The nursing application panel was ready to take me to the next steps of the application process: an interview. I engaged the help of a Catholic priest friend, and together we discussed possible questions that the panel might ask and crafted my responses.

To make sure I understood what nursing was about, I screened through YouTube videos; spoke to a nurse recommended by a friend; and trawled through the Straits Times paper, Today paper, Ministry of Health website, and health journals like SAGE and Singapore Nursing journals to study the different types of healthcare services and facilities in the healthcare sector and the latest healthcare challenges in Singapore’s healthcare landscape.

I even dug up news articles that shared opinion pieces on the routine of a nurse’s day-to-day job. Strangely, even though I had put in efforts to cover all grounds for information, I was still anxious and afraid that something was lacking in my research. I told God that I was not omniscient like Him and it was time to let go and place my trust in Him.

On the day before the interview, I wrote a prayer to God and placed it at the crucifix on my study table. I wrote:

“Loving Jesus, I am at the crossroads of choosing a career. Please show me the way. To be honest, I don’t know what to do with my life sometimes! I know I want to serve people and talk about You to them, but I don’t know what is my specific calling. What is Your will for me? How can I live my life according to Your will? Life is not mine. Life belongs to You. It is a gift and I want to use this gift to serve people and bring glory to You. I want to please You.

While time is on my side, I want to help people. I want to give hope to people. I will only move when You move. I will only step out of the boat upon  hearing your voice across the raging sea. I want to face challenges and overcome them together with you. I do not belong to myself. I belong to You. You are my Good Shepherd and I am your sheep. Guide me in the wilderness.”

I looked towards and meditated on Saint Josemaría’s writings, which inspired me to be confident for the nursing interview —

“If you feel for whatever reason that you cannot manage, abandon yourself in God, telling Him: Lord, I trust in You, I abandon myself in You, but do help me in my weakness!”

Third sign

The actual day of the nursing interview arrived, and by God’s grace, I displayed confidence and answered thoroughly the interviewer’s questions. This owed to the detailed preparation, which helped a lot in my interview. Above it all, I knew it was through the opportunity of struggling with the inner fears that helped me to deepen my trust in God.

Waiting was perhaps the most difficult part. The uncertainty tempted me to become anxious, yet it also became an invitation to deepen my trust in God.

My friend who is a Catholic priest encouraged me to pray for wisdom and to remain open to the opportunities that God placed before me rather than becoming fixated on my own plans. His advice reminded me that discernment is not about forcing doors open but about recognizing the doors that God opens in His providence. I recalled his words: ‘Pray for wisdom’ and ‘Take the good offer that is on the plate seriously.’

Then, to my delight, I received a letter offering me a place in the Professional Conversion Program for Nursing. I was given a deadline to accept the offer. It was a significant decision that would shape the years ahead, and I brought it constantly before the Lord in prayer, asking for the grace to surrender my own preferences and embrace His will.

Once again, the writings of Saint Josemaría spoke to me and taught me a beautiful prayer when experiencing doubt. He wrote —

“You should repeat very often: Jesus, if ever a doubt creeps into my soul, setting up other noble ambitions in place of what You are asking of me, I tell you now that I prefer to follow You, no matter how much it costs. Do not leave me!”

Fourth sign

A few days before the decision day, I spoke to my friend, and he prayed and offered me sound advice. He encouraged me to consider nursing not merely as a profession but as a vocation of service. He spoke about the opportunities for growth, lifelong learning, and the privilege of caring for the sick, the suffering, and the dying. His advice helped me to see beyond employment and to recognize the deeper calling that nursing could become.

A good analogy that resonated with my situation is that in life, it is perfectly normal to obtain silver or bronze if one did not manage to achieve gold. Later on, I can strive for gold again.

Fifth sign

Before I signed the letter of acceptance for nursing, God gave me an opportunity to speak with a Carmelite priest. We sat down over a cup of chamomile tea as he shared with me several principles of Christian discernment that have remained with me ever since.

Father shared that discernment is a process of choosing between two or more good options. As people of faith, we should have a deep relationship with God and realize His infinite love for us. To do God’s will, we must accept both the good and challenging aspects of the calling.

Jesus is our role model. He always pursued God’s will and knew that the Father’s will means eternal life. Jesus said,

I know that His commands mean eternal life.
~ John 12:50

At times, we may get suspicious of God’s intentions and think that He does not understand us or His will for us could harm us. If this is our ‘negative’ image of God, then we will not be able to embrace God’s will to the fullest.

We should instead look towards Jesus, in His willingness to carry the cross without any concern of preserving His life to meet His own selfish needs. And so, in our lives, we need to emulate the conviction Jesus had to pursue God’s will and rest our trust in Him.

Jesus was willing to embrace the cross. There is a part of us that wants to preserve ourselves. Jesus didn’t preserve His life. The Father’s will was for the Son to die on the cross:

“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his only Son so that everyone who believes in Him may not perish but may have eternal life.”
~ John 3:16 (Jerusalem Bible)

The Son was willing to die because He loves the Father. So what it means for us is that we must accept that God’s will is eternal life and we can trust in God. It is difficult, as Jesus showed in the Garden of Gethsemane:

Going on a little further he fell on his face and prayed.
‘My Father,’ he said, ‘if it is possible, let this cup pass me by.
Nevertheless, let it be as You, not I, would have it.’
~ Matthew 26:39

Nevertheless, Jesus embraced His cup willingly and was very obedient to the Father’s will. Jesus knew that the Father would not fail Him. Jesus knew before the crucifixion that He could subject Himself to the crucifixion, die, and live again. In His humanity, He submitted to the Father. In His divinity, He was equal to God.

In discernment, being open to God’s will is very much important. We can listen to God in many ways, such as through spiritual exercises like Ignatian spirituality, attending Mass to receive Holy Communion, reading the Bible using the Lectio Divina method, and seeking spiritual direction. It would be good to observe patterns and consistency in our spiritual life and journal them down and talk to a spiritual director.

When there is a conviction from within, it could also be a sign that this is what God’s will is for us. The conviction is enduring and doesn’t burn out. Our hearts are attracted to many things in life. We can apply the principles of consolation and desolation taught by Saint Ignatius of Loyola.

Consolation is where the heart is moved to love God, with a strengthening of the three theological virtues (faith, hope, and love), experiencing positive emotions, and being drawn closer to God.

Desolation is the opposite of consolation. It is when you experience distance from God, feel anger, hate, a weakening of faith, despair, confusion, darkness, and everything that pulls you away from God. All these are important indications to help discern whether your will is aligned to God’s will.

The Carmelite priest encouraged me to write down the experiences daily and review them. Would I grow in holiness on this path? I will know from the spiritual records of positive signs. Am I attracted to this way of life? Is it meaningful and life-giving? For example, in my situation, I pictured myself as a staff nurse to see if I could bring myself to handle the challenges required of me in this role. I had to remain in a state of tranquillity and apply reason and logic in weighing the advantages and disadvantages of the options.

Sixth sign

I went back to prayer and spoke to God in the silence of my heart. There were still some elements of uncertainty, and I prayed humbly, asking for a little more assurance. A Catholic friend said something profound and beautiful. She said,

“Pray and ask God for the grace to be open to His will. Discernment is about God’s will for you. What do you feel more called towards? God always wants the best for you. God’s plans are always good. God will never lead you to something bad for you. Pray for the grace to embrace the difficult things in life just like Jesus did. It will give more meaning to the Cross you and I are called to carry every day. If you don’t pray for grace, you are not giving God an opportunity to work in your life.”

God helped me to arrive at certainty through a very good friend, Fr. Gerard Louis of the Redemptorist order. Fr. Gerard highlighted that the next five years would require a surmountable effort: two full years of accelerated nursing studies and three years working in a hospital upon graduation. I continued to pray and asked God to give me confirmation if nursing is the path that He would like me to venture into.

After talking to Father Gerard, I received an email from the PCP nursing administrators, who invited me to proceed with a medical check-up on 21st December 2020. After that came the signing of the sponsorship bond and becoming fully immersed in the PCP Nursing Diploma program.

Seventh sign

A Catholic friend discovered that I registered for PCP nursing and introduced me to a friend whom she knew was in the program. I prayed and thanked God for this networking opportunity. Her friend shared his personal experiences working in the hospital and some challenges that arose from the academic aspect.

Above all, I believe my prayer life and relationship with God will help me in this apostolic work. Saint Josemaría wrote,

“Be convinced of this: your apostolate consists in spreading goodness, light, enthusiasm, generosity, a spirit of sacrifice, constancy in work, deep study, complete self-surrender, being up-to-date, cheerful and complete obedience to the Church, and perfect charity.”

In hindsight, as I connected the dots to every event that occurred during the discernment of my career choice, I could see how God was helping me through these people and displayed His power by turning circumstances that I thought were impossible (e.g., late submission for a nursing application) into an opportunity. Indeed, Saint Teresa of Ávila was right when she wrote,

“The feeling remains that God is on the journey, too.”

All this time, God was with me, close to my heart, present by my side. Saint Josemaría is a powerful companion to me for the arduous journey that lies ahead. He wrote,

“Place on your desk, in your room, in your wallet… a picture of Our Lady, and look at it when you begin your work, while you are doing it, and when you finish it. She will obtain, I assure you!, the strength for you to turn your task into a loving dialogue with God.”

With this, I shall end my sharing on how I went from discerning the choices to placing my humble trust in God for the chosen path ahead of me. I pray that as you read this sharing, it will give you hope as you discern God’s will for your life. I would like to end this reflection with a quote from Saint Josemaría Escrivá:

If God’s Love has chosen you out and called you to follow Him, you have a duty to respond to Him… and it is also your duty, an equally serious duty, to lead and to contribute to the holiness and good progress of other men, your brothers.

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Photo: Jens Lelie, Unsplash / PD-US