When My Best Isn’t Enough

Okay, I must confess: I like to be self-sufficient. It’s nice when you know what to do, have a schedule in hand, know what’s happening, feel in control, etc. Perhaps, to some degree, we all want to have that self-assurance, that deep-down, martyr-like feeling that allows us the ability to say to ourselves: “Yup, this is real hard… but I’ve got this!”

But what happens when that perfect plan, that situation we finally figured out but then it resurfaced, or that sudden sickness, upsets all our balance?

I think the Apostles knew that feeling of wanting to figure out a tough situation and keep everything well in-hand… only to discover that their plans just weren’t enough, or weren’t quite what the Lord had in mind.

In the fourteenth chapter of St. Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus has been preaching a long time to a faithful group of followers. It’s getting late, and the people are getting hungry and tired. Jesus doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it, so the Disciples step up to the plate and concoct a sensible plan to handle the situation. Confidently, they give Jesus the run-down:

The disciples came to him and said, “This is a lonely place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.”
~
Matthew 14:15

There’s a problem, and a simple, obvious solution… but God’s doing nothing about it! (Or so it would seem). It’s getting later and later, we’re kind of on a timeline here… okay, let’s just tell Him what to do.

How many times do we do just that ourselves? We see a troubling situation; we think it through and come up with a perfect way to handle it; and then we go to God and say, “I’ve got just the plan: just do a, b, and c, and everything will fall right into place.”

Does that prayer (or at least, that mentality) sound familiar?

Jesus is so patient with us when we pray like this, as He is with the Disciples, too. He doesn’t condemn them for giving Him orders, or laugh at their simplicity. In fact, He probably says just about the last thing in the world they would expect:

Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.”
~
Matthew 14:16

Jesus gently reminds them that, much more than our brilliant plans of action, He really wants us to act. Our primary calling – to love, both God and neighbor – really doesn’t depend so much on us being in control and telling God exactly what we want to happen (that sounds too easy, right?). It has a whole lot more to do with looking at what He has already graced us with, seeing what we can do with those very blessings, and then entrusting the results to Jesus.

They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.” And he said, “Bring them here to me.”
~
Matthew 14:17-18

I love how the Apostles use the word ‘only’ there. It’s not enough, Lord, what we have is so pathetic compared to the problem, we totally can’t handle this! But Jesus sees a whole lot more than just bread and fish in the Disciples’ hands.

He sees the first glimmer of Faith.

They doubt, they fear, they know they can’t do it on their own, and they know that it’d be way, way nicer and easier if Jesus would just send the ‘problem’ (i.e., all the hungry people) on their merry way to take care of their own issues. But still, they respond to Jesus’ invitation, in spite of everything, and lay the bread and the fish at His feet.

What happens? Nothing short of a miracle.

And they all ate and were satisfied.
~ Matthew 14:20

All of them – the Disciples included! – enjoyed the fullness and satisfaction of receiving the overflow of God’s immense love.

Sometimes we are certain we know the best way to do something… and then God suggests a totally different possibility. He expects us to act (see how He tells the Apostles to do something first?), but then Jesus takes our simple efforts coupled with our Faith (even in the midst of doubt), and He’ll fill in all the gaps… even to feeding thousands with ‘only’ five loaves and two fish.

___

Artwork: Gustave Doré, Sermon on the Mount / PD-US

Marissa Standage

Marissa Standage

Marissa Standage recently graduated from Holy Apostles College and Seminary with her bachelor's degree in philosophy and theology. She loves teaching and tutoring, and has worked with students of various grades for several years. As the oldest of six, Marissa was home schooled right through high school, and has enjoyed a deep love for the Catholic faith, family, and education based on Socratic discussion. Between her college work and teaching, her favorite past-times include spending time and having great conversations with family and friends, reading, baking sourdough bread (and all kinds of other sourdough goodies from chocolate cake to crackers), and knitting socks. In the midst of this full and wonderful life, she is striving to discern God's plan for her in this world, and to cultivate the virtues in the daily opportunities to grow in His love.

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1 thought on “When My Best Isn’t Enough”

  1. Your title for this article is so true. As even when we think of how to handle a situation or make a plan, it does not always work out the way we thought it would. As we all know God has a plan and it may not be the same as ours. It is right that we should pray, then act and always trust in the lord. The results may not always be what we expect, but in the end we can always look back and see that it really was what is best for us.

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