One in Christ

One In Christ

Sometimes I wonder how we got here. My husband and I. The cold, clear January day when we stood face to face and said fiat to what comes next was another lifetime ago. He and I are no longer the people we were on that day, but in no way diminished by this change. We are ourselves, only more so. The concept is remarkable. That two individuals, with 25 years of living separately can come together and pledge that this is for life. That only death can part us now. The vulnerability of letting him carry my burdens; the unexpected joy of helping to shoulder his. Two broken, sinful people standing together, making a vow before God that this is forever. Marriage is either insane or a miracle. Some days I think it’s both.

We’ve been involved with our parish’s marriage prep program for almost a year. Our parish implemented a new program for pre-cana weekends; we took a chance and got involved. There’s nothing that makes you panic quite like having several bored or frightened looking couples staring at you blankly on a Saturday morning, wondering what you’re going to talk about for (six!) hours. In the weeks leading up to the first weekend we helped facilitate, I would vacillate between feeling excited for the opportunity to share the beauty of marriage with these couples, and the overriding feeling of being a big, fat fraud. After all, we’ve only been married for a little over two years, and have certainly had our fair share of problems. We’d had an unexpected pregnancy three months into our marriage, and then a devastating miscarriage. That was followed by depression on my part and one very long year of trying to conceive again. Our first year of marriage was rough, to say the least. Who were we to be giving advice to anyone?

What I learned during that first weekend is that we’re all ill-equipped. We’re all flawed, and not one of us can meet all the needs our spouse has. That’s why we get married best online casino in the Church. That’s why it’s a public ceremony. It’s not about the big party, it’s about community recognition of how hard and how important this covenant is. The Church in her wisdom requires engaged couples to attend a marriage preparation program because every couple needs to know what marriage is, and what it is about. Ultimately, marriage isn’t about us. It’s about God. Marriage is an earthly symbol of who God is. God is Father, Son, Spirit; only God is truly a family. When we marry, we become like a family, to the extent that we imitate in our marriage the life-giving communal love of the Trinity.

That’s why the best thing my husband and I can do as facilitators for this program is to speak the truth and beauty of what marriage is, of how we’ve lived it, and of just how hard it is. The most helpful thing we can offer to these couples is the truth: only Christ can be the glue that holds you together. Our program, called One in Christ, spends the first four chapters talking about prayer and the sacraments because that is what makes the crazy miracle of marriage possible. On our wedding day there were also two funerals. We died to ourselves, and promised to keep choosing each other, without knowing what comes after. On day one we made promises, fueled by adrenaline and emotion, but it’s God’s grace that lets us make those same promises on day 950, or day 12,000.

There’s a song by Audrey Assad that sums up beautifully why our married love, if it’s going to make it, has to be rooted in Christ:

It may not be clear as the morning yet
It may not be wide as a restless sea
And it may not be red as the roses yet
It may not be strong as the old oak tree, but
Love planted deeply becomes what it ought to and
Hearts given freely become what they ought to
Love planted deeply becomes what it ought to be.  -Audrey Assad