After the celebration of Christmas Day, I had the opportunity to take a vacation. It was not until I embarked on this journey that I recognized how long it had been since I had actually taken more than a day or two off from my job. I also realized how much I needed a real vacation!
I had been struggling with many issues in my life for awhile, but I constantly made excuses for these struggles. My health was suffering; I lacked energy and motivation. I felt physically uncomfortable in my own body. I was trapped and began to despise myself. I couldn’t face my reflection in a mirror.
The extreme measures I took to try to feel better did not work. As my vacation drew closer, I began to address it in terms of a spiritual retreat. Although I didn’t have much hope, as a last resort, I entertained the notion that maybe what I needed to correct was my union with the Holy Spirit.
Before my adventure, I researched all kinds of personal spiritual retreats. I even considered a silent retreat, but all searches led to nothing, and I found myself falling into discouragement and despair once again.
The first few days of my self-proclaimed retreat were nothing less than miserable. The night at my first destination resulted in several spiritual attacks on my consciousness that made me fear the rest of my journey; I was tempted to cut the trip short.
Through all that fear, I continued to pray because it was the only way to escape the terror I was undergoing. I proceeded to my second stop on this retreat. Upon my arrival, the skies started to clear up and sunshine broke through the clouds — literally and figuratively.
The city I was in turned out to be very walkable, so minutes after checking into my hotel, I hit the streets ready to explore. By the end of the day, I had covered almost the entire downtown area and had walked over two bridges. I had forgotten how invigorating walking was for me. It was the way I originally found God. When I lived in New York, I would spend hours walking the streets, and all I did was talk to Him. On the streets of New York City, Jesus came and walked with me, revealing Himself to me. This vacation made me realize how much I missed walking.
Enjoying my increasingly renewed faith in the Holy Spirit’s promptings, God gave me a gift. The next day I was able to see a movie in a movie theater, which I had not done since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. I was the only person in the theater, although I was not alone, for Jesus Christ accompanied me and sat with me.
I used to love going to movies by myself; I joked that I had a date with the Holy Spirit. This time was no different, throughout the movie I heard the quiet whispers of the Holy Spirit within my heart. Movies have always been a way God speaks to me because they have the ability to spark my imagination. After the movie, my soul was filled with visions, and as I walked back to the hotel, my spirit was dancing down the street.
During the rest of the trip, I continued to find places to walk and to talk with Jesus. By the end of my journey, He was no longer an eternal concept that was unattainable, but had manifested Himself right beside me, never leaving my side.
At the conclusion of my time away from home and work, I realized I had been searching for God in all the wrong places. I began my vacation looking for methods to escape using external sources, believing these were better guides.
However, I do not find God in books, silent retreats or even Catholic shrines where most people go on pilgrimages; I find God on the streets and in movies. It was hard admitting that the traditional ways of discovering God might not work.
I could finally accept that God meets us where we are on our journey. I had been complicating my thinking by believing I was not doing what I was “supposed” to do to revitalize my faith. All I had to do was engage in activities I love. After all, God is love and you will encounter Him while doing what you love!
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Originally published at Kitty in the City.
Photo: Luke Stackpoole, Unsplash / PD-US
