Thank You for the Experience

I have been wishing, hoping and especially praying to find a husband. God knows how much I have wanted that blessed family life with a husband and children. Yet here I am, at the age of 34, and still no prospects of finding that life.  At times like these I normally fall into depression. Worries and doubts fill my mind–am I not pretty, desirable, will I be alone my entire life?  I often forget or disregard all the beautiful experiences I have had with men. These experiences have actually shown me the aspects I should seek in a future husband. In recent discernment, I realized I have never thanked God for giving me these experiences. So here I am, finally giving thanks for all the fairy-tale experiences God has provided.

Lord, I thank you for the boys of my youth. The boy, I proclaimed I would marry, to his mother when I was in preschool.  The boy I went on my first date with to a museum and then to McDonald’s. The boy I went through Confirmation with who was my first true friend that was a boy.

Thank you for the dreadful guys who drove me mad in college. The guy who took me out for coffee and spent 3 hours telling me his life story.  He took hours to finish one croissant. Then there was the blind date who also told me his life story and bored me to tears.  I even went to a football game with him and his father. I had more to talk about with his father. I am grateful for these experiences because they showed me who I was not meant to spend my life with.  I should not seek a husband, but allow God to find one for me.

The first wonderful experience of a man was in the fairy-tale country of Ireland. I was on a pilgrimage and a fellow traveler on the journey caught my eye. He was unlike any man I normally would find attractive, but for some reason I fell for him.  He showed me what feeling shivery meant. He was always checking to make sure I was okay, but more important, he made me laugh.  I never knew I could laugh so much. Even though that was just an experience in a distant land, I came home knowing I needed a guy who could make me laugh. I had another experience on another pilgrimage. This man also made me feel shivery. Whenever we walked on the street, he made sure that he was on the side closest to the cars. There were moments when we were in big crowds and got separated. He showed concern and stopped whatever he was doing to find me. These two men were truly fairy-tale “princes” but unfortunately, they were just fairy-tale characters and make-believe, but God allowed me these experiences.

There were some real life experiences–relationships that were messy and confusing, but had moments of care and kindness.  The first man involved was like the Beast in the story of Beauty and the Beast. He was rude, inconsiderate, and slightly scary, but he was able to be tamed. He ended up proposing to me three times, only in jest of course. He was one of those guys who said all the right things.  On the other hand, we had our fights and there was jealousy on both sides.  Then there was the broken man. He was angry and confused about his life. I tried to help him, but in the end, I knew only God could save him. Nevertheless, these were experiences that allowed me to grow in my faith toward the Lord.

Finally, there was a recent experience when I was in the hospital. Normally hospital experiences are terrible, especially overnight. There is that ongoing joke that you never get to sleep while you are in the hospital, which is true, but this time I didn’t mind. My nurse for my overnight care was a gorgeous male. He had to wake me up every two hours and every time it never bothered me because I woke up to a handsome face with dark hair and blue eyes. I never knew what it was like waking up like that and then to be cared for so much. Of course, he was doing his job, but it was still a lovely experience.

All these experiences were real and precious because they were gifts to me from God. Most importantly, they provide hope for what is to come. God would never have given me these experiences if He didn’t want me to know who I was created for to spend the rest of my life beside. Thank you, Father, for these experiences, and the wisdom they have shown me.

_________

Originally published at Kitty in the City