Claustrophobia

Claustrophobia is generally considered a form of anxiety disorder where an irrational fear of having no escape or being completely closed-in can lead to a panic attack. I read several different sources concerning this condition and all used the term “irrational” in their explanations, but is it really? I have suffered from claustrophobia my entire life in many different ways. I don’t think the definition should be limited to simply the fear of being enclosed in physical spaces. I have feared being enclosed in relationships, jobs and lifestyle choices. The worst was being enclosed in my physical body. Due to sin, we are all enclosed in flawed bodies. I first felt the confinement of my body when I was diagnosed with diabetes. I faced a lifelong sentence of being enclosed in a body that will never work to the best of its ability and there was no escape from it except through death.

I have spent the majority of 2021 traveling, and for the most part I have had positive experiences in the places I stayed, but the last two were in lower levels of buildings that should have been classified as basements. The most recent basement apartment caused me to breakdown. I hadn’t experienced the crazed feelings of claustrophobia for some time, but one night the thoughts of being trapped and confined were unable to bear. The ceilings of the apartment were very low and that is where the trouble began. Once I gave into that fear, my thoughts slowly spiraled into more claustrophobic ideas. It was late at night, there was nowhere to go, and I was all alone. I wound up sleeping in my car. That was the closest I could get to freedom.

This experience brought me back to the question of whether or not this fear of being enclosed is irrational. Where does this fear of being trapped really come from? Sin has trapped us all; because of our sinful nature we are trapped in a sinful world. I believe one of the reasons I freaked out in that basement apartment was because it felt similar to being buried in the ground, alone and forgotten. How can this be irrational when it addresses the root of our human condition? We have all been born into sin, and the only way to be free is through death.

Since the dawn of the new year, I have been aware of three deaths of people close to me. These were all caused by different circumstances but the common factor was that the individuals were struggling with entrapment caused by their bodies. God took them home and freed them from the plagues they suffered here on this flawed earth.

In a sense, everyone should experience some sort of claustrophobia. We are all seeking salvation because we were not meant to be of this world. Our salvation leads to a heavenly kingdom free from sin with our Savior, Jesus Christ, who will lead us there.

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Originally published at Kitty in the City

Photo: Anthony Tran, Unsplashed / PD-US