Deactivated

While I was growing up, I developed a serious case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). I never really fit in with the group of kids I hung out with, whether it was in elementary school, middle school or high school. I always felt left out, so as a result, I began to believe that I needed to actively seek out “play dates.” If I was planning the activity, there was no way I could be “left out.”

This constant planning and scheming became an exhausting task. I remember waking up on weekends and immediately reaching for the phone to call my neighborhood friends to see if they could play. When I slept in, I ran the risk of these kids getting together without me.

As I got older, these tendencies only continued; in high school I would organize parties and take on the role of designated driver when my friends wanted to go out. I created ways to be needed because it seemed the only way to guarantee I would not be overlooked.

Reflecting back on my actions, all my attempts in this regard were just a means of maintaining control. I made myself believe that if I proved my worth to my friends, I would never “miss out.”

I did miss out though; I missed out on being happy. I spent all my time trying to be the person others wanted me to be, never allowing myself to discover who I wanted to be.

When I started college in a new state, I had a chance for a new beginning and to redefine myself. Of course, I still had no idea how to redefine myself or how I wanted other people to perceive me

Coincidentally, right around the time I entered college, Facebook was gaining popularity. I created my account when Facebook was made available to everyone, not just college students. Social media inspired an entirely new platform for people to create their identities.

I could finally develop a persona that everyone could see and “like.” Facebook seemed the perfect solution to my problem. How could I miss out on anything, if I could have constant access to what others were doing all the time?

The underlying truth is that Facebook is just a front. Over time, it grew into a massive corporation that actually encourages FOMO. I would spend hours scrolling through newsfeeds, looking at all the amazing activities my “friends” had engaged in and then posted. Once again, I fell short and missed out on life’s major milestones.

This practice is addictive and even dangerous, but each time I took a trip, moved to a different place or went to a large social gathering, my first thought was how it might look on Facebook. I had developed a toxic habit, but I was in so deep, I lost the ability to recognize it.

This past Advent, I made the choice to give up Facebook. Suddenly, I had much more time on my hands. It is incredible how much of life you miss when your attention is directed to that small phone screen as you scroll through the events and announcements of what you believe might make you happy, since others are obviously proud to post them.

The Holy Spirit called to me and asked me to take another leap of faith, releasing my control to Him: “Delete Facebook.” The fear of missing out hit instantly — all the groups I belonged to, all the possible connections I would be giving up, but what would I be gaining?

Deep in my heart and my soul, I know my social media network is not of this world, but in the community of saints and angels God has revealed to me.

My Savior, Jesus Christ, has transformed my heart again. I no longer want to be a part of this world. I am destined to be in this world, but not of it. My identity rests in the Lord, and as long as I turn to Him in all I do, I will not miss out on anything.

Armed with my newly inspired confidence, I deactivated my Facebook account permanently.

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Originally published at Kitty in the City.
Photo: Thought Catalog, Unsplash / PD-US